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Hey pipettes,

Welcome to the information super highway to hell! Yes, Lips 106, your favorite pop station of the nation (well of one city at least!) has finally joined the twentieth century and launched a website. Fab! But I've got some bad news, munchkins. Those squares, my bosses upstairs at Lips, have insisted I get a co- host, because "I'm too old to connect with the kids." Trust me when I say nothing could be further from the truth. I connect with kids all the time! Through websites, at truck stops, and sometimes thanks to my "Cliff Lane Make me a Star Program" (remember, girls, all you need to do to apply to the "Cliff Lane Make me a Star Program" is send me a series of photographs of yourself, ideally locker room shots or images of you and your friends rubbing lotion on each other at the beach, because these are EXACTLY the kind of images my important friends at MAJOR record labels across the country will want to see to tell if you've got STAR quality. If you REALLY want to make it in show business, then a nude photo will do wonders for your career! Several of today's biggest artists got their first break by sending pictures to me FIRST!) But, no. The nerds upstairs made me get a co-host, to connect with the kids. And what did they give me? A 20-something year old who is starting to sag something awful! Andee! They might as well have gotten my grandmother in the station. Mutton dressed as lamb! Give me a break. What was wrong with the girl I found? She was young enough to get away with those crop tops and looked great in a bikini sitting on my lap! Listeners would have loved it! But no!

Aah well. Don't say I didn't warn you. Nothing's ever as it seems in this great big bad world of entertainment. Remember that, and keep sending me those pictures, and those items of clothing. Party on, pop pickers!


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