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Vol. 1, Issue 4 The News Organ of Liberty City Tuesday May 1st, 2001
" Masticating The Truth In Four Honest Stomachs "
 
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Liberty Tree - Promoting Family Values for Over 50 Years

Mayor O'Donovan Denies Misuse of Government Funds Over Nail Gun Fiasco
Liberty Tree News Bureau
May 1st 2001 1:14pm EST
LIBERTY CITY (RS) - Joel Stahlman

Mayor O'Donovan. Is he a mayor or a nail gun? Sounds stupid, I know, but not in Liberty City. The Mayor's brother is CEO of Donovan Hardware, makers of the aforementioned nail gun and he hasn't been shy about getting his brother to endorse his "revolutionary new way of knocking nails into wood". Only last month, the Mayor was pictured opening a STD Clinic with a nail gun instead of the more customary scissors and ribbon, while he sent a signed nail gun to a Veterans Meeting the month before. Colonel Fitzgibbon (retired) commented "we asked the Mayor for something for our prize draw to raise money for victims of Liberalism" and we got sent a huge nail gun. The thing is, it does fit snuggly in a garage, but I'd rather use a hammer." The Mayor's office denied any conflict of interest. A spokesman said, "sure his bother makes a revolutionary tool, but O'Donovan's interest in hardware is well known. Only yesterday, he was saying to me "This hammer's no good. I can't get the nails in straight. Have you got a nail gun?"

This follows well-documented incidents of corruption, campaign financing and aggravated assault too boring to go into right now.

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