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Vol. 1, Issue 5 The News Organ of Liberty City Friday June 1st, 2001
" Belching Up Truth Like Last Night's Dinner "
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Liberty Tree - Promoting Family Values for Over 50 Years

Hand Grenades Not Fit For City Life
By Howard Child, Liberty Tree News Bureau
June 1st 2001 6:11 EST

Hurling abuse - Liberty City style

Previously gun-friendly mayor, O' Donovan has come out and said what many of us had long thought: "Hand grenades have no place in our city." Following a recent rise in the use of exploding projectiles, including hand grenades and Molotov cocktails, O' Donovan has said he will look into opening a commission which will investigate the plausibility of a study into the funding of a research document which will question limiting their sale. "Although I am against any form of gun control, I think the recent rise of explosions, burning cars and dangerous assaults in our city has to be carefully monitored," he said. "My people say there has been a thousand-fold increase in fires in recent months, due to our de-regulation of the personal firearms market to include hand grenades and rocket launchers, but I think it has more to do with people failing to put out their cigarettes."

This is really terribly antisocial

Another government spokesman added, "Let's be honest, hand grenades don't kill people, people kill people. Where do these people get their stupid ideas from? From entertainment. If nobody knew about blowing people up, we could happily and safely own hand grenades forever at no public risk. We really need tighter censorship on the way people are entertained. We want to get them out of the dangers of the video arcade and cinema and into the safety of the shooting range."

And so say all of us.

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