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Vol. 1, Issue 5 The News Organ of Liberty City Friday June 1st, 2001
" Belching Up Truth Like Last Night's Dinner "
 
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Hand Grenades Not Fit For City Life
By Howard Child, Liberty Tree News Bureau
June 1st 2001 6:11 EST

Drink it, don't throw it!
Drink it, don't throw it!

Previously gun-friendly mayor, O' Donovan has come out and said what many of us had long thought: "Hand grenades have no place in our city." Following a recent rise in the use of exploding projectiles, including hand grenades and Molotov cocktails, O' Donovan has said he will look into opening a commission which will investigate the plausibility of a study into the funding of a research document which will question limiting their sale. MORE

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Spank Here to Slay
Liberty Tree News Bureau
June 1st 2001 5:59pm EST
LIBERTY CITY (RS) - Bob Malkin

An evil new menace, Spank, is running riot through the streets of Liberty City. A synthetic, entirely artificially fabricated drug, Spank is an evil our city hasn't seen the likes of before or since. Making previous drug epidemics look like a family picnic with a lot of happy kids and families, eating outside, Spank is pure evil. MORE


Liberty Tree - Promoting Family Values for Over 50 Years

Yakuza Operating With Impunity
Liberty Tree News Bureau
June 1st 2001 5:01pm EST
LIBERTY CITY (RS) - Thomas Jones

Japanese criminals have begun to operate in Liberty City. Police note with shame that the on-going financial crisis in Asia has led to some of the most violent criminals in the east making the journey to the west. Liberty City has, since the mid 1970s, had a large transient population of Japanese businessmen, overseeing vital Japanese investments in the area. Now it seems that others are over-seeing the businessmen. MORE


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Liberty City Community College:
THE WORST UNIVERSITY IN AMERICA
Liberty Tree News Bureau
June 1st 2001 1:37pm EST
LIBERTY CITY (RS) - Johnny Ryan

It's official. What we had all known for a long time. Liberty City Community College is now officially "the least impressive" further education destination in the United States. With enrollment at a record low, graduation rates of under 20% and fewer than 8% of all graduates being able to spell their own name or recite the days of the week in the correct order, LCCC is officially not the place to be. MORE


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Love to Chat?
Liberty Tree News Bureau
June 1st 2001 9:33am EST
LIBERTY CITY (RS) - Louie Schaffer

Media mogul, Donald Love has added a new radio station to his growing list of Liberty City based media. Chatterbox FM is a 24 hour talk radio station in which people can call in and talk about, well just about anything. A Love Media spokesman said, "Sometimes, it's good to talk, especially on a station like Chatterbox. There'll be special guests, of course, and a great host, but we hope the real stars will be you, the people of Liberty City. We want to find out what you think, so we can market to you more effectively." Chatterbox FM goes on the air next month.


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