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Vol. 1, Issue 1 The News Organ of Liberty City Thursday February 1st, 2001
" News Never Smelled So Good "
 
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Liberty Tree - Promoting Family Values for Over 50 Years

Car Jacking Back In Vogue
Spate of grand theft auto has brought menace back to our city streets, but is helping local business!
Liberty Tree News Bureau
February 1st 2000 2:57pm EST


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As you may have noticed, Liberty City has been plagued in recent months by a spate of car jacking, the worst in the greater Liberty City area since 1997, when the menace first came to our city streets. Although incidents of carjacking have increased 80% in the past fiscal year, this time it's not all doom and gloom for Liberty City. The city and its residents, long bored with their reputation for extreme violence and crime rates that make other urban areas look like toy town, are not taking it lying down this time. Instead, in time-honored Liberty City fashion, they're fighting back and making a drama out of a crisis.

For awhile insurance companies and the unprepared were terrified by the prospect of being forcefully evicted from their car at gun point, however those with the forethought to prepare for the worst are discovering the worst isn't that bad! Licensed hand gun sales in the greater Liberty City area are up 35% while gun shops have increased five fold, bringing valuable work to the beleaguered under-qualified of the region.

Meanwhile, although 15 people have been killed in auto-related assaults in the last six months, at least 3 of those were the assailants themselves, teaching those hapless hooligans a thing or two about flat lining! Although the police are officially against vigilantism, with Police Chief, Jim Ramirez, commenting "People shouldn't threaten crazed psychopaths with violence. 99% of people are killed by their own weapon. Especially in suicide cases", unofficially, police are thought to be encouraging the brave few to have a go against the forces of darkness. Local resident, Glen Morley III, admitted "I'd never handled a gun until yesterday, but thanks to a couple of beers with my local police office last night, I now feel like the toughest guy alive. Hell, anyone tries and car jacks me and they'll be sorry. I'll blow their god-damn brains out."

New innovations are also coming to the world of auto-protection in Liberty City, making Liberty City an area of global innovation for the first time since Thomas Crapper thought about, but rejected, the idea of building a factory here. Several of the world's best and just a few of its wackiest, have thought about the problem, with May's Protect Your Car conference at The Liberty City Conference and Social Center promising to bring self-defense into the 21st century. Now that's something every criminal should be aware of!

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