1979
-Margaret Thatcher is elected the first woman Prime Minister in Britain's history. Although this is debatable.
-Mother Theresa receives the Nobel Peace Prize. A young school boy from Kent, Paul, gets an honourable mention after breaking up a fight. Bitter at his lack of achievement, he is forever turned towards the darkside.
-Iranian students storm the US embassy there, holding 66 people hostage for 444 days.
-Skylab falls into the Indian Ocean.
-Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols dies at age 22. Luckily, in Kent, a new kind of punk is born.
-The Soviets invade Afghanistan. Paul invades his sister's bedroom while she is having it off with Martin, a local fireman.
-The mullet enters the fashion picture. Thank god.
-The Shah is exiled from Iran, and the Ayatollah Khomeini assumes power and introduces an Islamic law.
-Asteroids is invented, a videogame where you pilot your triangular spaceship and shoot at anything that moves.
-Cellular phones invented. Thankfully, it is twenty years before the wankers'ring tone becomes popular.

1980
-Ronald Reagan is elected President.
-Sony invents the Walkman.
-Rubik's cube is invented. Let the party begin.
-Fame, Xanadu, and The Empire Strikes Back are big movies.
-John Lennon is assassinated. An attempt is made on Kent Paul's life by Mark Cosgrove after Paul is caught staring at Mark Cosgrove's mum while she is in the bath. Paul escape's with his life.
-Alex Shrub elected to congress.
-CNN is introduced to the world. It has been boring me rigid ever since.
-Post-It Notes are invented. Thank god! People have been crying out for a combination of sticky tape and paper. Now, everyone can sleep easy.
-US representative Michael Myers is convicted with conspiracy and bribery and expelled from Congress on October 2, 1980.
-Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington State, killing 36. Paul's skin erupts as well, as acne ravages his complexion and stops him scoring at all, apart from with a fat girl.
-Over 50 nations boycott the 22nd Olympic Games, held in Moscow. As a result, Alan Wells wins the 100m in a time of 23 minutes.
-Hostilities between US and Australia.
-War breaks out between Iraq and Iran.
-Hepatitis B vaccine invented.

1981
-Prince Charles and Lady Diana are married in a ceremony broadcast to 750 million people worldwide. In Kent, a street party goes hideously wrong when your hero sets fire to 10 miles of bunting and burns four houses down.
-Early Degenatron systems appear in arcade. It will be several years before they appear in the home.
-Pope John Paul is shot at four times in an attempted assassination. He lives.
-MTV is launched.
-Bob Marley dies of cancer.
-Assasination attempt on Ronald Reagan by John Hinckley. Reagan survives.
-Raiders of the Lost Ark introduces the world to Indiana Jones.
-The Smurfs cartoon makes its debut. People have been crying out for a series about blue dwarfs sharing one communal wife, so it is a runaway success, especially at petrol stations.
-Member's Only jackets rule fashion scene. Did anyone say 'wanker?'
-Bill Gates announces that '640K ought to be enough for anybody.' What on earth is he talking about? The man is worth billions.
-Janet Cooke wins a Pulitzer Prize for a story about 'Jimmy,' an 8-year-old heroin addict. The story is a lie, the Pulitzer prize revoked. And Perkins reckons I'm the only liar?
-New immune deficiency disease is called 'GRID.' ('Gay-related immune deficiency.')
-Iran releases American hostages after being held for 444 days.
-MS-Dos invented, apparently by someone who couldn't spell.
-Wave 103 appears on the radio.
-Paul gets arrested for smashing up Mark Cosgrove's car after Mark Cosgrove steals Paul's first proper girlfriend, May. From now on, Paul will be a hard hearted bastard and never let a bird get him down.
-First IBM- PC invented.
-President of Egypt, Anwar al-Sadat assassinated.
-'Yorkshire Ripper,' who murdered 13 women in England, is caught and arrested.
-Ten prisoners die in Belfast after a 65 day hunger strike. Similar attempts at hunger strikes in the Kent region are met with a swift clip round the ear.

1982
-The compact disc is released. Vinyl sales go to an all time low. I'm still big into the mix tape.
-Florida secessionist movement starts. It never gets very far.
-Princess Diana gives birth to Prince William. One day, he will be king, but I won't be. Life ain't fair.
-Falklands War begins and ends. I am cruelly denied the Victoria Cross.
-Mass. Representative Gerry Studds admits to having sex with a 17 year old boy, and announces he's gay. He continues to win elections until retiring in1996.
-Pole Position becomes the first successful driving videogame.
-Jack Howitzer picture 'Evacuator' reinvents the cinema.
-Checkered Vans are the most popular shoes all over.
-Kent Paul is born. Me, Paulo, leaves East Kent for Florida and a crack at the big time. I'm a wide eyed little bleeder of 17. People begin to call me Kent Paul.
-Moon Boots and ear cuffs are the rage. Pink and Green are the coolest colors, best if worn together. It is a dark time for fashion.
-Yuppies start to 'Do lunch.' I start to 'Do trumpet.'
-The Term AIDS is used for the first time.
-USA Today newspaper is born.
-Princess Grace of Monaco killed in a car crash.
-Human growth hormone genetically engineered.

1983
-President Reagan proposes a space laser weapons system, called the Strategic Defensive Initiative. Otherwise known as 'Star Wars.'
-Margaret Thatcher is reelected as Prime Minister of Britain.
-Korean airlines boeing 747 is shot down over the USSR by a Soviet fighter jet.
-Karen Carpenter dies from an eating disorder.
-Australia win America's cup, breaking a 132 year victory run for the US. Ha bleeding ha.
-The US invades Grenada to eliminate Cuban military presence. They soon occupy the country.
-Sally K. Ride is the first woman ever to go into space.
-There are five thousand confirmed cases of AIDS in the United States, but Ronald Reagan still won't mention the words AIDS in public.
-Soft bifocal contact lenses invented. From now on, glasses are a choice.
-Swatch watches hit the market.

1984
-Beef Shot exposed for using too many chemicals and no beef in their hamburgers.
-Marvin Gaye is shot dead by his father after an argument.
-Ronald Reagan is reelected.
-American scientists announce global warming, or the 'Greenhouse Effect.' Now everybody denies it.
-Indira Ghandi is assassinated by one of her own bodyguards. Her son, Rajiv, succeeds her.
-Frankie says 'Relax!' Kent Paul says 'Get bang on one!'
-"Just the Five of Us" is a big hit. So am I.
-During a radio microphone test, Ronald Reagan says 'My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.' It is accidentally aired. Bloody genius.
-The Olympics take place in Los Angeles, and are boycotted by the Soviet Union.
-The UK and China agree that Hong Kong will go back to China in 1997.
-Toxic gas leaks in India, killing 2,000. Toxic gas leaks in my house, causing an attractive girl to leave and never call me again.
-Apple Macintosh is invented.

1985
-Mikhail Gorbachev is named the new Soviet leader.
-Home Degenatron system appears.
-Giggle Cream is released with famous slogan 'Make desserts funny' - three million dead brain cells later, you'll laugh at anything.
-Live Aid - Sixty of the world's top stars get together and sing together in harmony to raise money for starving Alaskans. It raises $60 million.
-The French sink the Greenpeace flagship 'Rainbow Warrior' in Aukland. French defense minister is forced to resign. Nice one. Shooting a load of peace protestors.
-Youngest girl genius ever graduates from Oxford University. She is 13. I went there too. Five times.
-153 hostages held on a hijacked TWA plane by Shi'ite terrorists are released. One person is dead.
-Jack Howitzer is cruelly denied an Oscar for his performance as an American with a desire to kill lots of foreigners in their own country.
-Nancy Reagan lets the world know her strong beliefs about the death penalty: 'I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.'
-UK starts screening blood donations for AIDS.
-Cash machines go nationwide.
-Windows program invented for Macintosh. Fascinating, or what?

1986
-The US space shuttle Challenger blows up seconds after liftoff, killing everyone on board.
-Halley's Comet comes back after 76 years. And very boring it is too.
-20 year old Mike Tyson becomes the youngest heavyweight champion in boxing history. Lucky for him, he never called me out.
-"Yuppie and the Alien" is the biggest thing on the box.
-USSR has a nuclear disaster when a power plant in Chernobyl releases dangerous levels of radioactivity into the atmosphere.
-Prince Andrew and Fergie get married. Sailor and a ginger - I don't need to tell you the rest.
-"Exploder" is film of the year. (excluding the dodgy Steve Scott ones)
-People wear banana clips - it was a very dark time.
-Ronald Reagan still hasn't mentioned the word AIDS in public even though 42,000 cases have been diagnosed, and 25,000 people are dead from the disease.
-Spain and Portugal join Europe. Where was they before? Australia?
-Sweden's Prime Minister is killed by a lone gunman on the streets.
-The Iran-Contra Scandal blows up. Corrupt politician! Stop the bleeding press!
-John McCarthy, a British journalist is kidnapped and remains in captivity for five and a half years.
-Kurt Waldheim's nazi past is revealed as he runs for president of Austria.
-Synthetic skin invented.
-Statue of Liberty celebrates 100th anniversary. Plans to replace it with a statue of me are put on temporary hold.
-Summit at Reykjavik, between Gorbachev and Reagan. They both decide it's a hard place to spell.

1987
-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher is reelected for the third time. Doubts persist in my family.
-200 people are killed during the Herald of Free Enterprise ferry disaster, which capsized in the English Channel.
-Techno music triumphs. The price of synthesizers and sequencers drop. Great times.
-Condom commercial appears on TV for first time. Strangely, super stud Kent Paul is not selected to show them off.
-The first 3-D videogame is released. Degenatron begins to look a little old hat.
-Reagan and Gorbechev meet in Washington and sign the INF, marking the beginning of the end of the cold war.
-Giggle cream is withdrawn after people had too much fun.
-Blox is found to be too toxic for domestic usage and becomes part of US defense strategy instead.
-The USS Stark is attacked by an Iraqi missile. The attack is apparently accidental.
-An Int'l agreement is signed to protect the ozone layer by not increasing use of CFCs.
-Disposable contact lenses are invented.
-Stock markets around the world crash on 'Black Monday.'
-Kent Paul crashes on Black Thursday after a three month bender.
-Bill Gates becomes microcomputing's first billionaire.
-The worlds five billionth inhabitant is born in Yugolsavia. Poor bastard.
-Max Headroom is new TV star. He doesn't exist. You work it out.
-Ronald Reagan finally uses the word AIDS in public.